FF7 at the Anime Convention Lord help us all
by Rutilus I. V
Summary: Crack fic, partly based on anime conventions and the miraculous conversations that occur there. Open to advice from those fellow experienced con dwellers as well. Rated T to be safe.


FF7 at the Anime Convention. Lord help us all.

Crack fic, partly based on anime conventions and the miraculous conversations that occur there. Open to advice from those fellow experienced con dwellers as well. Rated T to be safe.

**Chapter One: Anime Boston, Meet Sephiroth.**

* * *

In which Sephiroth (and eventually others) seem to have found their way to our universe, hidden amongst anime con-goers.

NOTE: This is definitely a crack fic, I have no recollections of this occurring, and I am not being held hostage, told to type this by any of the individuals you all call characters, as that would be most improbable...Unless they're paying me in yen to not tell you that, of course.

* * *

The ex-General had successfully infiltrated the Hynes Convention Center of the city called Boston without much hindrance. He kept hearing some word "anime" but had no clue what the ruckus of strangely dressed humans about him were excited about. His greatest surprise may have been getting told his prized weapon Masamune needed to have an orange tape marker on it to prove it was "safe" by a slender young woman in a red miniskirt with the nametag, "I 3 Sakura".

He merely stared at the pink-haired ninja with a headband, (apparently some sort of authority,) as she approached his sword with tape, using his infamous death glare he saved for his most annoying adversaries -

"HEY SEPH!!!!" A familiar spiky, black-haired fellow SOLDIER scrambled over.

Upon which, the startled One-Winged Angel came up with several responses at once.

1 - Swearing mentally, having thought he was rid of said pest long ago.

2 - Wait. Didn't he have an epic battle with him? And weren't there records of Zack Fair's death?

3 - Something akin to relief and friendship-like emotions - or not.

-A hair plucked from his head-

4 - !!! What the f*** was that infernal b**** doing!?

Out of instinct, his hand went to to grip the handle of Masamune, pausing only in his action of nearly drawing the sword to swipe her pink head from her pretty little neck when he felt tape on his weapon.

Apparently the young woman had used the sudden arrival of Zack to her advantage and had already taped his sword's handle, pocketing a piece of silver hair.

"There, you're all set. _**Very**_ realistic costume by the way, I've always been a Sephiroth fan," purred the girl "Sakura" with sultry overtones, and very not-so-subtly drew her skirt up just a little higher after eyeing his exposed chest.

"..."

"Hey Seeeeeephiroooooth!"

Barely restraining a growl, Sephiroth turned to face his ex-companion, before his eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

An impersonator?

A brown-eyed, freckled young man of about fifteen was sporting a very near-similar grin as to his old friend, but was obviously NOT him. And sporting a "sword" made of heavy plastic material and a fake uniform.

_This person obviously is either a huge fan of Leuitenant Zack Fair or should probably belong in the psychology ward,_ the General mused.

"Dude! Your costume looks so AWESOME! Can I get your picture!?"

An awkward pause.

For some reason unknown to him, the cold, emotionless general finally nodded in agreement.

Perhaps it was out of memory to a lost companion.

Perhaps it was so the insolent child would be satisfied and leave him in peace.

Either way, one fact remained: Two hours later, he had still not found his destination through the mobs of colorful individuals with their large cardboard and PVC pipe made weapons, and the impersonator was still being annoying, clinging too close for his solitary nature's comfort, and overall living up to his namesake.

And Sephiroth had begun to wonder if he was not already wandering a psychology ward.

"And so I've seen several Sephiroths before, I mean, this is my sixth con now, but you're by far the best one I've ever seen, you could totally be the real thing! And I've totally lost my group, but I know you're wicked cool with me just following you, and OH yeah, that chick over there is WICKED HOT, think she's some villain from Sailor Moon-"

He had been far too kind, silently allowing the boy to follow in his footsteps and listen to his banter without so much of an answer in response.

The notion of just decapitating this nuisance was quite appealing. However, from what he had gained of this...psychotic gathering...the individuals present seemed to be paying their respects to various heroes - or, ironically enough, villains who wished nothing more than for the entire populace present to be eradicated. The problem was, until one was close enough to observe the details of each person, he could not know for sure if they ALL were impersonators. After all, he had an excellent cover in this location, and although his stature and excellent sword did stand out, the only times that this was a problem was when members wished for a photograph.

Sephiroth _**did**_ adapt from being on edge and about to kill anything that moved, to merely befuddled. (Although there was an incident on one floor, where a giant, brown, box-shaped creature called "Domo" mysteriously was thrown into the wall.)

He had dealt with rabid fans back at Shinra before, but this was just absurd.

Though, much like Fair, this fake Zack seemed to easily startle and push the right buttons.

"Hehe, boobs...oh look, it's another Mecha! And Alucard Hellsing! I'll be right back, just let me get a quick picture with 'em!"

Sephiroth quickly made his leave as quickly as possible.

Not only was the area much more heavily concentrated with fans of various shapes and sizes, occasionally someone would challenge him to duel. He always refused, much to their disappointment and sometimes anger, which was quite amusing. It was as though they actually believed their "weapons" could actually destroy him.

"Novice," the heartless SOLDIER muttered with a swish of his trenchcoat upon leaving behind yet another group, his challenger this time a furious man named "Ed" who may have been an actual non-impersonator.

"I swear I'll destroy you! I've heard all about you!" The blonde, pony-tailed haired man shouted defiantly, his shredded red cloak revealing a metal arm as he pointed a white gloved hand at him.

_Interesting. The only two known individuals I know Shinra has successfully transplanted a successful bionic implant into are Vincent Valentine and Barrett Wallace..._

Sephiroth merely slightly cocked his head back to glance at this first possible challenger with vague interest, noting the MUCH taller, robot-like companion standing beside him.

"Brother, are you sure this a good idea?" Whimpered a boy's voice from inside the metal body.

A cat-like smirk crept across Sephiroth's face.

"Although I would be delighted to assist you with suicide, you are not whom I am after. Unless you wish to be my next target, I would suggest you leave me at once...for your...._**brother's**_...sake, little one."

"The laws of alchemy don't justify your murders- HEY! DON'T CALL ME SHORT!" Ed yelled, blue electricity sparking from his palm.

**A/N:** XD W00t. This is where I stop for now, but here are two snippets to enjoy for later chapters:

["FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" The crowd cheered, formed in a large ring around two individuals doing a battle dance in the center.

It was one of his Remnants...and Cloud Strife.]

* * *

[Sephiroth clearly had no idea why the members of AVALANCHE were so idiotic as to constantly follow him everywhere he was going. Did heroes seriously have nothing better to do with their time? Meanwhile, "Zack" was endlessly blabbering on about something in his ear, occasionally shouting out about some "hot chick" in sight.

....

No, seriously. This was getting to be bullshit. Half of them were even chatting casually not five feet from him.]


End file.
